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...But that I always put off posting to it.

I'm starting to think I should come back to this place for various reasons. Hee hee. It's a fun place, and it's interesting to read through old entries and suddenly remember the specifics of events from one, two years ago now. Corbin and Kelsey are still pains in the ass by the way, but those are stories for another day.

I'm pretty happy though. In real college now; the University of Maryland Baltimore County. Living at a new apartment too, with roommates and everything. And it's all really very different. And the workload, and materials? It's hard. And sometimes, I didn't do so well in my classes. But despite that, I'm pretty happy. A lot happier than I used to be. But I know I've got to start buckling down soon, I do know. I have to confess though that the upcoming years feel so daunting. I still sometimes would rather surf the internet or roleplay than study or do homework, because I always think "I have more time later".

Hah. Well. It's a bad habit. But the idea of losing free time still feels pretty scary. I'll sort it out though, I think I can. In the meantime! It's summer, and you know what that meeeeeeans~!

I'm going to try and figure out if there's something with this livejournal that I can do. The idea that it just sits here and gets no love from me is a littler depressing. ^^;;
My Emotions: Zen. Very zen.
Ze MuzIc: Dead silence at the moment.
Just so everyone knows, I'm totally fine now. Mostly. Sort of. A little bit. Right.

I'm out of the funk that I was in when I made the last journal entry. I still regret that my inaction caused me to act like a hypocritical ass, but it's over and done with and I'm moving past it. And blah, blah, blah. Finals are coming up though. Boo. I'm about to get to work on a couple of assignments I put off for far too long. This feels like a step in the right direction, somewhat.

One thing, however, that I DO want to convey is that I am fucking tired of the random Russian people coming to my journal and my community and then commenting in either gibberish or in a language THAT IS NOT ENGLISH (the ONLY language I know how to speak) on my entries. Now, normally, I could maybe care less if your grasp on English isn't the best. I'm not a racist peon with her head shoved so far up her ass. However, it kind of ticks me off how you guys comment on things I wasn't even remotely hinting at, much less openly discussing, in my journals.

Now, sure, accuse me of being an attention whore, but I kind of like the idea that people would actually help me with my problems or tell me that the six hundred plus icons I made are super ace. It's my journal and my community for a reason. So. Either double check your fucking browser to make sure it's your friend's journal and not mine, or just go the hell away. I don't have time for bullshit, I really don't, so pretty. Please.

And that's my angry rant for the evening. Haven't actually had one of those in awhile; there used to be a time in my life when if I was angry and I tried to express it, certain friends of mine would just shut it down before it took root. Now, either most of those friends I've dropped from my life, or if they're still around they know better than to mess with me at my crankiest. Haaah. It feels kind of powerful in away, to be pissed beyond dizzy and not give a rat's ass if someone else thinks I'm being an ass.

Not that I'm really that angry, in real life anyway. I have a vaguely bored expression on my face as I type this. So, take that as you will.

Anyway, here's something for everyone to discuss until next time I grace you people with my presence: motherfucking Borderlands. I have discovered this to be God's gift to gamers, and it has quickly settled betwixt Final Fantasy VI and everything else on my list of favorite things ever. Discuss how awesome it is, and when I come back I'll tell you why your reasons are flawed in comparison to the absolute awesome to seeps out of my XBox for me, and me alone, everytime I stick that sucker in. Yes. Yes indeed.
Where I Died: Bedroom.
My Emotions: Vaguely ambivalent.
Ze MuzIc: Shut up.
28 November 2010 @ 12:49 pm
...You think I'm feelin' happy right now?

Yes, it's been awhile since I've posted. I've been super busy. And by super busy, I mean it's ALL finally starting to get to me. School, and family.

Family is the same it's always been. But the slight stress I get from dealing with family is piling in on top of my school work stress, and I've reverted back to some really bad habits this semester. I've been putting off EVERYTHING possible, and I've racked up more than a few late assignments. But, over Thanksgiving break, I REALLY dropped the ball. I COMPLETELY fucking forgot about my part in a group project, and one of the guys I was working with ended up doing my part.

I have never felt like such a douche bag.

How many times have I done a whole project myself because my partners were no shows? How many fucking times have I bitched and moaned about it, whilst secretly preening over my incredible dexterity of work ethic? Now, though, I'm guilty of the very thing I told myself I'd never do and I am a complete, fucking loser.

And to think, I was SO excited yesterday. Mom bought me a fox cap. Now it just stares at me, accusing. "I KNOW WHAT YOU DID, BITCH".

The stress itself...I don't know what to do with it anymore. It seems I ALWAYS fall back onto bad habits no matter how hard I try to get away from them. I make myself forget about all my stress whenever I can, and it's become second nature by now. Half the time I feel like crying, but I usually stamp it down and force the impulse to pass.

I don't know. Maybe I should tell Dad. He'll be pissed with me probably, but it really is getting to me this time. I feel lost and hopeless. I feel like some bum who isn't going anywhere in life, who just so happens to come from a family of fucking geniuses. The fuck.

Uggghhh...God dammit to hell and back.

Anyway...I'll check back in later and let everyone know how everything turned out.
08 March 2010 @ 08:04 pm
Meeeeeh. I remembered, so I'm posting.

It's been awhile guys. Nothing new, nothing exciting. Mostly, just, I've been thinking a lot of thoughts that seem to keep recycling through my head, over and over again. Do guys have any idea how many times I've privately commiserated to myself the mystery that is my chronic procrastination? (I'm starting to get the very strong impression it's more "avoidance of hard work" than "the computer is so distracting"...)

But yeah. College. It's been, well, the same and yet different. Some shit happened. For example, I met up with a guy who is apparently my second-cousin. I joined a club that he runs, that does mock-medieval warfare and swordplay, because I thought it'd be cool to do as a hobby on the weekends (instead of, say, studying for tests or finishing my papers). As it turns out neither my father nor my grandmother are fond of him at all (and for good reason), but I didn't know this until after I joined and had aforementioned cousin come and pick me up for group laser tag. He neglected to mention he was my cousin, by way of "pleasantly surprising" my beloved current-caretakers.

At the time, I though it was kind of funny. But then, after I had that very revealing "family history" talk with Dad and Grandma, I had to really wonder about that stunt (in his minimal defense though, I had the capability of determining that I was related to him from the very start, but had simply neglected to mention his name to dad under the presumption that it wouldn't be all that important; silly me).

My feelings? Blah, mostly. I mean, it's not as if I got majorly butt-hurt or screwed over (yet) but this sort of "incidental" shit happens so freaking often it's quite hilarious in retrospect. Also, my weeks up until this point have been very, very boring and I figured this incident deserved mentioning as it is quite an interesting tale from my point of view.

Also, best thing happened last weekend. Remember that laser tag trip? Well, it was a combo pizza night and laser tag trip, and guess who didn't bring enough money to cover his expenses because he blew it on a stupidly vain haircut? Corbin Jones (the same guy towards whom I still harbor a silently tacit but yet quite tremendous grudge against for the whole "your grandmother is a racist" fiasco).

Seeing as how I am a civilized person (and still maintain a tentative "hanging out" relationship with aforementioned repeat-offender-of-my-family-pride) I decided to spare him some of my extra cash so that he wouldn't be totally left out in the cold. The true purpose behind my seeming generosity? I got a glorious free pass at calling him nothing other than "Butt Monkey" the whole night long, and had him fetching me my desired pizza slices from the buffet like the bitch he is. And, by the way, he hates monkeys (while I, conversely, adore them).

Best. Night. Ever.

In other news, I can now be counted among the many who are avid Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney fans. For those of you who are interested, Miles Edgeworth, Larry Butz, and Lotta Hart are my new favorite characters~. I even drew a shippery picture. He he he.

My Emotions: Woooo.
Ze MuzIc: Classical piano in the background, as my Dad is currently practicing.
01 January 2010 @ 12:04 pm
Just as the title says. Happy New Year! To one and all (and other heartfelt emotional holiday crap like that). We've now stepped over the threshold into the mysterious beyond that is 2010. Whoopdedoo. All I now for certain is that, save for the hypothetical occasion of my untimely death (unlikely) is that towards the end of this year I will be turning 21, and will be old enough to buy and drink alcohol in public. Beyond that, I only have a vague idea of where my life will go and who will stick along for the ride. My plans for college in the near future are foggy at best, hinging almost entirely on my tentative work ethic and my parent's whims.

I sometimes wish I could just beat it out west, but I digress. I do, actually, have maybe one or two friends here that I actually like. Also, a college degree and a driver's licence sometime this century would be nice.

Beyond that...well, I've seen so many "New Years Days" by now that I can hardly get all choked up or philosophical over it at all. People who do so crack me the fuck up, in all seriousness (no offense you guys). I've already forgotten where I was and what I was doing last year (it may or may not have involved an ex-boyfriend who shall remain nameless) and the only reason this year will be memorable at all is because I spent it getting tipsy with Andy, listening to a thousand and one hilarious stories I begged out of my Dad. Also, Invader Zim.

And yeah, I forgot post something about Christmas. Well, I stayed over at my Mom's, got presents, and blah blah blah. Merry Christmas, you poor stupid fuckers.

And that's about it, until later I suppose. ALSO DON'T DRINK THE EGGNOG. IT HAS BEEN POISONED, YES IT HAS.
My Emotions: Morning. Yaaaaay.
Ze MuzIc: Can't be bothered.